I want to talk about my feeling toward my parents in here.
But first I want to tell you something.. in this past few days I've been watching "Draw My Life" challenge from all youtubers I can find.
That challenge tell you to draw your life, it's up to you from when you begin or what story of your life you want to talk about. You can begin from when and where you were born, your family portrait, funny things on your life, and such. Yeah.
And I watched tens of video, which mean I heard tens of different life story (well I don't know they are telling the truth on their video or not) I have two favorite videos of "Draw My Life", first from my favorite youtuber ever Thatcer Joe! and Michelle Phan a girl who uploading photo about make-up tutorial and she's so good at it! I have to be honest here, I don't like wearing make up cause I feel like wearing a mask on my face but when I see how her video about make up tutorial I'm starting to like make up, for a little bit.
And Michelle Phan "Draw My Life" video is the only youtuber video that can make me cried like hell! seriously I'm crying so hard when I watch her video because our story is almost the same.
She had been through so much and look at her now, she's never give up, she's keep trying and she's succeeded now. She have her own make up brand and guess what, she met her love in the Paris a.k.a city of love.
I want my life to succeed like her. I want to reach all my goal and do something that I want the most.
After my dad passed away I'm lost. My mom went out of town after that to work and having a brother who always picking on me not helping at all. I have my grandma and aunt but that's not helping at all.
And someday my mom came home with a guy and two boys and BAM! she introduce them as my new dad and siblings. That time was so awkward like hell!
And it's decided, after I graduate from elementary school my mom brought me and my brother to their house, and we moved to Batam.
Man I have to say my first day in my new school was a little tough, who knows kids in here are more cruel. But I manage to survive anyway. I kept reminding myself that I'm strong and I can do this.
I've been in Batam for almost 5 years, and I'm still alive until now. Yay!
I think it's almost 10 years after my dad passed away. Ooh I love my dad so much! he always grant all my wishes, bought me so many toys and ice cream even though he have to argue with my mom first. I still remember when we(my dad, bro and me) sneak out to bought an ice cream, I remember we all chuckling when we ate our ice cream, imagining mom must be freak out if she saw me and my bro ate an ice cream. The memories kinda blur but I'm sure I remembering it that way. I remember being scolded when I'm goofing around inside our little cute house and my bro laughing at me because of that. I remember how he smile when he let me brush his hair and let me sit in his lap. Shit! my vision got blur because of tears! I'm freaking crying! Oh my god dad I miss you! why you're not visiting me in my dreams?? you visit mom and aunt, why not me?! I heard people said, when people your love passed away, they always come to your dream, then when you're planning to come to my dreams dad? when? just come, I won't freak out I promised.
I used to love hugging my mom, but now I think we grew distance because of something. Sometimes I feel like my mom isn't my mom. Sometimes I feel like I'm not really comfortable with her. In fact I'm not comfortable telling her my problems. One time I really felt sick of something but I don't have a courage to tell that to my mom, I ended up called my aunt and talking to her while crying my eyes out. The next day my mom seem pissed and asked me to tell what is going on, she's kinda yelling and that's made me more uneasy so I yelled back and tell her nothing. I'm pretty sure my aunt already told her everything. But my aunt already married now, she have two awesome and cute sons, I love playing with them when I'm visiting them this early year. And so I though she must be have her own problems so I have to help her with not troubling her with my own problems.
As for my bro, he's out of town now, he's in his second year of college and it seems he's doing well. He always boast to my mom about he's being the favorite student and the smartest also. When we were little we're so close, we showering together, playing together, waking me up every sunday morning to watched our favorite cartoon when the fact he always wake up late in weekdays. After my dad passed away and my mom went out of town to work we always fight, arguing little things like this and that, he broke a door when I'm walking away and don't want to listen to him talking anymore. But that's what sibling does, right? Yeah sometimes he can be mean and make me feel like I want to kill him and cut him into a little pieces, but I still love him, no worries. I mean he's my only sibling, brother, who gonna help me with my marriage, replacing my dad.
I can't draw but I love writing. I love my family and I want to share you my story and not so perfect family. It doesn't matter is your life perfect or not the most important thing is you happy with your life and do something you want without pressure.
I miss my dad. I want to sit in his lap and brush his hair. I miss when he always picking on me by make fun of my small eyes. I miss when he will do anything I want and never let me cry. I miss when he came home late and makes me wake up in the middle of the night and then we ended up playing till morning. I want him to hold my hand again.
I wish I can grew closer to my mom and telling her my problems comfortably. I'll try.
I want to hug my brother when we meet after months without feeling awkward.
I miss my family.
I keep this photo in my wallet so I can bring it everywhere I go.
keep fighting baby :*
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